The Art of Giving

As Thanksgiving weekend draws to a close, I reflect on the following passage:



The Art of Giving by Kent Nerburn (Letters to my Son)



Remember to be gentle
with yourself and others.
We are children of chance,
and none can say why
some fields will blossom
and others will lay brown
beneath the August sun.

Care for those around you.
Look past your differences.
Their dreams are no less than yours,
their choices in life no more
easily made.

And give. Give in any way you can,
whatever you possess.
To give is to love.
To withhold is to wither.
Care less for your harvest than how
it is shared, and your life will
have meaning and your heart
will have peace...

Note to Self: Mouthwash

Note to Self:

Do not making a 6-year-old laugh while he's got a mouth full of dental rinse. I just had to scrub the blue stuff from the sink, counter, faucet, and mirror.

It was pretty funny though.

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The Berns Sisters

The last couple of weeks, I have been dedicating my time to doing much reading and research, therefore I've not had the time to post. I am working on several projects and am hoping to share more about them very soon. One of them includes putting together my memoirs, my life as a burn survivor. This is a very sensitive topic for me, but I need to face it sometime.

I was delighted earlier this year when I learned of the Berns sisters. Triplets, who like me have suffered 3rd degree burns over a large area of their bodies. They are marked by scars from 20 years ago. Here is a bit of their journey, an experiment with a new laser treatment as documented by the Today Show:

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Why Babies Have Mothers

Remembering Loma Prieta

October 17, 1989...a date that residents of the Bay Area (California) will never forget - a day tens of thousands of us thought we would die. When the death toll was finally confirmed, there were 63 casualties on the list and 3,757 were injured. Thousands found themselves homeless.

But these numbers could have been significantly higher. It was 5:04 p.m. when the 7.1 earthquake hit. For the majority, it was the largest tremor they had ever experienced. Major League Baseball players had just begun their warm-up in preparation for their World Series championship game - the Oakland A's vs. San Francisco Giants. It was this very game that may have saved the lives of hundreds.

The Nimitz Freeway in west Oakland was the site where most of the deaths occurred. A portion of the Nimitz bridge - a double-deck section named The Cypress Street Viaduct - collapsed as a result of the shaker. The top section crashed down onto dozens of motorists. Those who were not crushed, found themselves trapped.

During rush-hour, the Bay Bridge would have normally been congested. Because Series game was taking place in the Bay, and both Bay Area teams were playing each other, this meant that many folks had left work early to either attend the game or catch the competition on television at home or in local sports bars. There was little traffic on the freeway at the time.

A rescue effort commenced immediately. Residents near-by and factory workers used ladders and forklifts to rescue victims from the buckled freeway through four-foot gaps in some portions of the bridge. A mostly volunteer operation continued day and night for the next three days until halted by former President George Bush and Governor George Duekmejian. 42 perished.

My Personal Story
It was a Tuesday afternoon. Along with my sister and best gal pal, Tomoe, we headed over to hang out on the front lawn of our middle school to watch our friends play football as we often did after school. The boys, tired and ready for a break came and sat with us girls for awhile. Right before the earthquake struck, my friend Victor had sat and leaned up against my back. We were chatting when I felt the initial movement. I thought he was pushing against me and actually told him to stop before the ground suddenly jolted beneath us.

There were shouts and screams and we all ran, sometimes tripping to the center of the lawn. Earthquake safety is something we had been taught several times a year at school since kindergarten. Having gathered in front of the school, we were in danger of being in the path of broken glass from the large windows on the face of the building. I initially buried my face into the grass as the ground rolled in random motion. As it started to fade, I turned my head and saw how the utility poles took on an appearance of being made of rubber, service lines swaying back and forth. It was then that I noticed my sister, Kristi, and Victor's brother, Frankie, were too close. I stood up and called for them to move when suddenly another jolt knocked me to the ground.

The quake lasted 15 seconds. At the time, it felt like a minute. When things settled, most of the boys jumped on their bikes and headed home. Kristi, Tomoe and I lived the furthest from the school. Victor and Frankie lived the closest. Some of the other boys, like John and Hector, headed to Victor's house with us thinking we should all take cover there. When we walked into the house, there was a terrible mess. Nearly everything was on the floor. We decided it was not safe to stay.

The boys did not want to send us girls off on our own, so they escorted us the 1.4 miles to where we lived. Along the way, we came across many people outside, everyone asking each other if they were okay. During that trek home, there were several aftershocks (subsequent earthquakes). Just before we reached Cahalan Park, the halfway point, we came across an off-duty police officer pedaling his bike. He advised us to stay off of the sidewalks and to walk down the center of the street to keep us as far away from structures and power lines as possible.

We arrived home to find our place in disarray. Confused and scared, we weren't sure it was best to stay inside. We decided to head out to the guest parking lot which was just a few feet from our house. That was when Mom arrived. She immediately headed home after the quake, as thousands of others did to check on their families. We were so relieved when we saw her minivan pulling in from off of the main street. Even though a couple of the boys had brought their bikes, she insisted that everyone pile in to be driven home safely.

Afterwards, we were invited to stay at the Armendariz house. They were like family to us, so we all huddled at their home until the next day. We were without electricity for several hours. A trip to bring Kentucky Fried Chicken home took nearly two hours due to the number of customers needing to purchase a hot meal. Our nerves were never quite calm, though we tried to laugh and distract ourselves. The aftershocks continued through the night.

We did not attend school the next day, as many others didn't. We learned of the deaths, destruction, and fires by watching the news non-stop once the power had returned. We saw numerous replays of cars mangled beneath the Cypress Structure and even a live shot of a car falling through a broken section of the Bay Bridge.

It took several weeks for things to feel almost normal again -for many of us, anyway. Others were forced to demolish their homes or businesses and re-build. There are those like me, who still feel a small twinge of anxiety when crossing any one of the bridges that connect the San Mateo/San Francisco/Oakland counties over the Pacific Ocean.

Now that I have left earthquake country, I wonder if I will always be sensitive to the earth's vibrations - as many Californians are. While small earthquakes do occur here in Indy, they usually go undetected by the public. My sister however, says that she does feel them. I suppose it comes from living on land that did shift and rumble beneath us more often. The Loma Prieta was the largest seismic event we had ever experienced in our lifetime. Up until then, quakes had only been strong enough to make us jittery for a short period.

Amid jokes of California breaking off into the sea and serious scientific studies that suggest the Big One is still to come, I can only hope that technology and wisdom allows the residents of the Sunshine State to prepare to take the next hit. While man has made a habit of tampering with Mother Nature...there are certain things far beyond our control.

We have learned alot since 1906. Hopefully that knowledge, combined with that acquired on October 17, 1989, will give us the opportunity to prevent tragedies like those experienced around the world where even smaller events can steal the lives of many.

Moments of Inspiration

Good friends often say, they find it quite remarkable that I never complain or even talk about what it takes for me to get through life as a burn survivor. I have faced trauma, procedures, curious looks and downright cruelty for 29 years now. On December 17th, I will celebrate my birthday. It will also be the anniversary of my coming home after several months on the burn unit at Valley Medical Hospital nearly three decades ago.

Those rare times - when I am asked about how I cope- my answer is always the same. Though my pain is rooted at depths too profound to explain, I know that there are others who have suffered much more in this life.

And so, I have a collection of heroes. A list of persons, young and old, who I can look towards and experience a Moment of Inspiration.

Today, I think of the courage of Adam Bender. A one-legged boy who has the drive to play competitive sports on "regular" teams with "regular" kids.

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...and Erik Knotts, a 10-year-old knight, whose bravery drives him through life despite the loss of both legs.

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When I look at these spirited young boys, boys with wisdom that seems impossible at their ages, boys who dare life to prevent them from succeeding, how can I not do the same?

Comics By Me

My new fun...well, I stumbled upon this a month or so ago. Right before all the dental issues. I thought it was clever and tried it out.

Make Beliefs Comix is a free website (donations accepted) that is 100% family friendly. It allows users to create their own comic strips. There is a cast of several different characters pre-sketched for one to build a story around. From thought bubbles to speech bubbles, it allows the writer to create a story board from one to 4 panels long.

For me, I thought this might be fun to create memory comics about our family's day to day moments. I've always wanted to keep a proper journal, but with a never-ending list of To-do's, I fight to keep up with it.

Here is my first "publication"...It was inspired by my first grader who was not feeling too well and thought maybe he should stay home from school. Then I reminded him that it was "Guest Artist" day and Papi and I were planning to join his class to help out with a special project. This motivated him to at least have breakfast and see how he felt once his body got warmed up. Sure enough, he wasn't as tired by the time he'd completed his morning routine.

Afterwards, I jumped onto http://www.makebeliefscomix.com and went to work myself. Enjoy.
(click on image for a close-up of the script)

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Daddy Knows Best (Sometimes, lol)

The moment is inevitable. It arrives without warning and more often than we mothers would like to admit. After all, we know everything about our children and how to take care of them, right? We nurse them, we groom them, and we most certainly take on the task of coordinating their clothes.

But every once in awhile, SLAM!!! Daddy knows best.

My little Chica is quite the character at two years of age. Having spent the last year living in very tight living quarters with no AC, she got used to traipsing around in her diaper only. Every so often we can get her to keep a t-shirt on, but dare we slip a pair of shorts or pants on her, she will snatch them off and go about her play. Sure, we try dressing her again, but then it becomes a cycle repeated over and over. I choose my battles. I have way too much to do, to stop every 20 minutes to re-clothe the child.

The only time she stays dressed is when we go bye-bye. Well...except for the socks and shoes part. As soon as her bottom hits the car seat and I trek around to the driver's side and get in, plop-plop...there go the shoes. Shoes stay on the feet, ONLY when actively walking around outside (and sometimes, not even then).

So as fall has started to settle in, the weather has made a remarkable change. Remarkable to us especially, as having lived in California, cool weather shows up as late as mid-November or early December sometimes. It has been downright chilly around these parts for several weeks now.

Slowly, we've been trying to get Chica to keep her clothes on for longer periods of time without battling with her. I even purchased her a few pairs of tights, figuring that under her pants, they would substitute well for socks. Nana brought home snow boots for the munchkins yesterday. She picked out two sizes so we could get the right fit.

Between Nana, Tia Kiki and I, we could not get either pair on to the little girl's feet. Neither fit quite right and with the thickness of the boots, it was hard to tell what was going on inside. When I finally got them on her-or so I thought- she took a few steps and said "ouchey, ouchey", and immediately kicked them off. Papi stood by watching the scene but said nothing.

Finally ten minutes later, after we'd given up, he decided to give it a try. He took her over to the armchair, sat her in his lap and pushed her left foot down into the boot. Struggling, he removed it and then proceeded to shove his hand down inside. When he pulled his hand back out again, it was wrapped around a tight ball of tissue paper. UGH! I felt like such a dummy, but couldn't help laugh. The tissue was all the way at the tip of the toe so it couldn't be seen by simply looking down into the boot. Yet, it never occured to any of us women to stick our hands in and check for obstructions. Sure enough...when he checked the right boot, out came a matching ball of tissue.

Well, figuring Lil Miss would be quite frustrated still, I crossed my fingers and hoped she'd keep them on long enough so we could make sure she could walk in them. To our surprise...she kept those suckers on for two hours. She walked all around the house in them boots. Couldn't believe it. When Nana went to take her upstairs to the play area, she made the mistake of removing the boots, and Chica just about had a meltdown. On again, went the boots.

Thanks Daddy. You saved the day. And, you saved Nana an additional and unnecessary shopping trip for another pair of boots. We are ready for winter, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

OUCH!

The last 9 days have been dedicated to working through dental pain. I have actually been living on ibuprofen for a couple of months to manage (with the hopes I'd get enough time to be ready to visit the dentist when it was more finacially feasible). I had been referred to a specialist in California after my regular determined he wouldn't be able to work on the back of my mouth. But then I was expecting Patito so that got postponed. I had intended on getting into the dentist before leaving California, but with mom's unexpectant brush with H1N1, many things were left undone. I barely had time to get into the optometrist a week before departure. At the time, I was not experiencing any pain so figured I'd be fine waiting 6 mos or so.

Shortly after arriving to Indy, my teeth let me know, it was time to go in. I was preparing to leave the house for an interview the other day. The pain was bad enough that I could barely talk and thought I was going to pass out. After getting on the phone with several dental offices, I found a place that accepts walk-in visitors. Esteban and I loaded up the babies and hit the road.

Getting around Indy isn't too complicated (thanks to my GPS -which I love). However, I have found one aggravation that bugs even my mother who has lived in this neck of the woods for almost 10 years. I cannot, for the life of me, understand why in commercial zones, there is no clear marking of addressess. Sure, there are large signs of many of the businesses...but when one is searching for a location they don't already know, it is helpful to see the address numbers of the strip malls and independent buildings while traveling down the highway at 45-55 mph. It seems people just get used to knowing the names of the various plazas and centers and this is how they figure out where things are at. Meanwhile, a newcomer wastes precious time in pain, searching an extra half hour, trying to figure which way is up because there are next to zero address markings.

Now, I know most people have an aversion to visiting the dentist, but mine is a little unique. I have not mentioned in this blog yet that I am a burn survivor. I rarely talk about this, though obvious to anyone who knows me. There is always a fear that if I complain I'm being forgetful that there are millions whos suffer much more than I do in life. My face is covered in scars, only my forehead and nose were spared. Because scar tissues does not stretch, it is beyond difficult for a dentist to work in my mouth. Most proceedures -even basic ones- take 50% more time to complete. In addition to whatever discomfort or pain the proceedure itself may cause, I'm also subject to pain and soreness in my face from the pull of trying to force my mouth open wide enough.

After the x-ray, it was determined that my pain was being caused by two very large cavities in both the upper and lower wisdom teeth on the left side of my mouth. One of these was coming up on it's side. Especially after reading the quote of the cost, $484, I really didn't want to have my teeth pulled - we have no income yet & have just enough savings to float us through a few months of expenses. Having had to cancel a job interview for a posiition I would have likely landed makes this all the more ironic. Unfortunately, there wasn't much else the dentist could do to help me. The dental assistant assured me I was in luck as the doctor on staff that day was somewhat of a specialist and should be able to remove the wisdoms despite the limitations of my range of mouth opening.

After 11 injections of anesthetic, the worse twisting and pulling of my lower tooth, and many apologies, the dentist decided to hault the proceedure. He decided he may be doing more harm then necessary and was going to refer me to a surgeon. It was only then I started to cry, though I wanted to many times during that period of 40 minutes. The whole time I sat and just prayed that he could do it, my tooth only managed to break off in several pieces. With all of his force, he could not get in the right spot to make the wisdom roots loose enough. Sweating, and feeling so bad, he ended his attempt and prescribed me antiobiotics and pain killer. The assistant was shocked. According to her, he has a 99% success rate at extracting teeth.

I had to wait the next day to get into to be seen by the surgeon. By this time, the trauma of the first attempt was greater than I had thought. Sleeping had been nearly impossible. The pain resonated through out my mouth, face and head. What was strangest, was the burning sensation I experienced in my face. The skin was on fire -pardon the pun- but it was literally hot to the touch. I was red and swollen that night, and the next day, one of the seams where the skin grafts meets normal tissue, had split open. After a week, the scabbing has finally come off, but the wound still aches.

My surgeon plans to put me out completely...in an operating room. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I have had MANY surgeries in my lifetime. That doesn't make it easier. Anytime, one undergoes anesthesia, there is great risk. They will give me relaxers which hopefully will release all the tension, facial muscles and surrounding tissue enough to allow my mouth to be cranked open...or maybe, they'll just have to break my jaw and wire it afterwards. They will go in and attempt to remove all of my wisdom teeth. The two on the right are healthy, but that side of my mouth is tighter, so if at any point, they give me trouble, it would likely mean more surgery. Better now than a second round of treatment later.

As of yesterday, I am feeling somewhat better physically -not in and out of sleep as much and can talk almost normally. Finally had somewhat of a regular meal, though most often I've been grubbing on malt-o-meal hot cereal and coffee or delicious shakes prepared by my sister who's kindness I don't deserve. She's been awesome with trying to help me manage.

Now, we're in a hold stance, waiting for a financial assistance application to go through. The complications of the proceedure needed would most definately wipe out the savings and more. Pray for me :)

The Long Haul

The last week and a half, I have had to dedicate to my poor little boy who has had a terrible time teething. He has been whiny and clingy. His normal, healthy appetite has been playing peek-a-boo. I'm afraid that I haven't accomplished much in the last two weeks.

Over the last 3 days, I did get some time to work on the toy sort. I thought it was going to take forever, a long haul. But I managed to pull it together. We decided to use the bonus room or loft area as our tv room/play area. I wasn't sure how I'd set up the space at first, but I like how it is turning out. My large cube bookcase has turned into the toy station. Everything fit well with the addition of a toy sorter for the smaller items like blocks and legos. A couple of bins are holding the stuffed animals and now I'm just trying to figure out how to organize the games and puzzles. The tall book shelves I had orignally purchased for my bedroom last year are now at the top of the staircase.

We also managed to complete 97% of the final details in the kids rooms. I know, I need to hurry & post pictures. I am hoping to complete tomorrow -pending baby's mood. Wish me luck!

Patrick Swayze, 1952-2009

My heart, along with millions of others, just broke yesterday when I read that Patrick Swayze had died. He had been such a part of my life growing up. My earliest memory of watching Patrick on the screen was in Red Dawn. Years later, like most girls in my generation, I desperately wanted to be his "Baby" in Dirty Dancing. Between my sister, our friends and I, we had memorized all the most important lines in the movie - individually, each one of us wishing to play that role. We imagined ourselves practicing dance lifts in the water with Swayze, balancing on fallen tree logs, stepping on his toes, bickering with him, kissing him, and most of...just dancing with him.

What was truly wonderful about that film, was the collection of music it introduced us to. From the oldies, to the latin, to the contemporary, the music delivered the emotion that can't be spoken. The dance sequences were everything from breathtaking to fun. When Mom bought the soundtrack, we often found ourselves acting out the whole Love is Strange scene. We loved pretending to be Sylvia, calling out to her "lover boy". We had the time of our lives, watching Patrick Swayze dance and the music was a part of that journey.

Perhaps the most intense experience for me watching Swayze on film, was during Road House. At age 13, I found myself in the dark with my two favorite boy friends, my guy pal and his older brother - who I had a major crush on at the time. They invited me to see the flick at the theater around the corner from my house. We rode over on our bikes, parked them outside, and went in for what we figured would be a purely action story.

To our surprise, the steamy love scene was more than we could handle. I froze, when it became apparent that this was not your ordinary kiss-and-move-on moment. With passionate gyrating and a climatic lift, I got to see Patrick Swayze's delicious figure, unclothed and moving in such a way that made my spot between two adolescent boys extremely uncomfortable. I don't believe any one of us breathed for the entirety of that scene. Rigid, eyes forward, and hearts pounding, we were very still...and never, ever, did we speak about it.

Then there was Ghost. Another movie I can watch over and over again. I am moved to tears every time Demi is finally able to see Patrick and at last he tells her, "I love you"; she responds with his usual line, "Ditto".

Having watched pancreatic cancer destroy a friend of the family just 1 year and 4 days ago, I find it truly amazing that Patrick Swayze fought it as long as he did. The disease is aggressive and has a survival rate of nearly zero. It is rarely detected early enough to make any treatment successful. Often, those inflicted by this brand of cancer are in stage IV by the time they are diagnosed. It often hides and presents symptoms that could be many other ailments, in the meantime, growing and spreading.

Foregoing pain medication, Swayze continued to act, staring in A&E's The Beast. Unless one has witnessed cancer up front, I don't think one can truly comprehend, physically, what a sacrifice it was to go un-medicated so that he could deliver the depth of the character he felt it deserved. Due to his declining health, the show was not renewed after its initial 13-episode run.

...after 33 years of marriage, his wife Lisa must be devastated. How beautiful to have videos like this though to remember Patrick by. It is amazing that he survived pancreatic cancer these last 20 months, much longer than most victims of this aggressive disease. Mixed in with the grief, I am sure there is a some relief, knowing that he is no longer suffering, that he is at peace. I fall in love with his grace all over again watching this clip.

Good-bye Patrick, you will be missed.

Sunset Meets Audrey Under the Moon

I love art projects, crafting and creating. With the little ones running around however, it is rare to have a moment to sit quietly and create something new. A friend of mine recently introduced me to Polyvore. I would describe this web-based application as a high-tech, digital world of decoupage.

The premise is to "shop" images from all over the internet (retail sites, photography networks, clip art, etc.) and paste them onto your own canvas. While the themes revolve heavily around fashion and style, there are a multitude of items to choose from. The 900,000 registered users make up a diverse community of participants stemming from all backgrounds and cultures. Once a profile is created, the site allows members to publish their own unique “sets” or collages, which they can then post into different categories. Users may also browse and even rate fellow contributors. This generates the opportunity for socializing and networking with a vast audience that seems to be made up of everyone from tween Twilight addicts to serious artist with verifiable credentials.

Most of all, it is just fun. With the click, drop-and-drag functionality, Polyvore is quite simple to use. I’ve found the trickiest part to be the layering of the elements in order to achieve the dimension I am aiming for. As a mother of Two in Diapers, I am enjoying this new art form that does not require me to negotiate with my toddlers who’d like to dip their fingers into the glue that they’ve just spilled. In other words, I’ve found it to be 100% baby proof.

So far, I’ve only published two pieces publicly. I have several other drafts that I hope to add to my gallery later this week. If I get real good at it, I may even join some of the contests that are sponsored by big names like Bloomingdales, Saks and The Gap. With prizes ranging from $25 gift cards to $1000 shopping sprees, it might be an interesting way to replenish my wardrobe. Even if I don't win, at least I can build a wish list or virtual collection of gift ideas given that most images are of merchandise and artwork that can be purchased by following the links to the retail sites.


I am still learning the ropes, but am truly enjoying it.

Sunset Meets Audrey Under the Moon by Meztli on Polyvore.com

Moonlight

Sometimes...it's nice to just stop and listen. We're soposed to be loading up to head to the lake today. Mom & Neto have gone ahead. It takes so much time getting the little ones together, so they escaped quietly to make for an early arrival.

I jumped onto facebook real quick (it's a habit, I had to check it before we left. We've only got dial-up down at the lake, so I usually fall quite behind when we are away). A friend of my posted this. Simply Marvelous. At the same time, it makes me sad. I always wanted to play piano. I've owned a keyboard most of my life. Mom offered to send me for music lessons when I was 14. I declined. Nothing scared me more than being alone with someone I didn't know...oh but that's a long story.

Anyways...my husband is a musical wizard. He does not read music, but he can figure out just about any instrument in minutes. He plays guitar, keyboard and a handful of other instruments you may not know, like the jarana and huapanguera. He is also teaching himself to play violin now. I'm so glad we share this love of music. He enjoyed this piece as well, so now I share with you. Have a wonderful weekend!

So Sad, Yet So True

I can't believe the last two things I have had a moment to sit down and write about had to do with poop. Really, there are five dozen other things, moments, and thoughts I'd love to share, but time has been a distant friend. You know...the one that calls or visits once in awhile, but is never really around when you need her. Time seems to be ganging up on me with her partner Energy. You see, when Time does stop, and give me ample opportunity to conquer a few to-do's...wouldn't you know that Energy abandons me. She leaves me cold and lethargic and feeling completely hopeless.

Today, in short...the baby is being weaned off of his bottle. He is just over two weeks away from reaching his first birthday. It hadn't been too bad until a few nights ago. He has had insomnia three nights in a row. I'm not sure if it's just his body adjusting to our new routine or maybe he's teething. Last night he didn't even want the bottle when I tried to coax him back to sleep. From 3am to 5:30, we sat on the living room floor going back and forth between sleep negotiations, quiet play, and cuddling.

Chica has been adding to her vocabulary list almost every day. She's also been asking to go potty and has only wet 3 diapers/day on average for nearly 10 days.

Neto Boy has learned how to tie his shoes. It had been hard to get him to look past his frustration and keep trying. Finally, within the last two weeks he just put his mind to it and learned how to do it. I usually follow up and tighten the laces for him by adding a second knot so that they don't come undone.

Now...I did have to bribe him a bit. The day he finally tied a successful loop and knot, I had explained that if he were to complete the task 3 times, I'd be so impressed, I'd buy him two fish instead of one (the first fish was a birthday gift). I don't normally bribe my children, but I needed to give him some motivation. It took nearly 40 minutes, but he did it. Now he is tying them everyday. I'm hoping this boost of confidence will carry over to the next challenge...riding his "big boy" bike. He's been afraid to fall off of it, so hasn't wanted to give it a go much. Now that autumn is just 19 days away, our summer afternoons are more comfortable so I'd like to get him on that bike everyday next week.

Well...most things come in 3's right? It was midmorning, I took the babies out to nana's backyard. Papi shortly followed and soon enough he was kicking around the soccer ball with Chica. It wasn't long before she managed to step in dog poop. I laughed at her reaction. She was saying "ewww, ewww," as she hopped/ran over to Papi to get her foot cleaned. I watched the two make their way over to the water hose. That's when I felt baby Patito's diaper area get warm. Figuring I'd go inside in a minute to get him changed, I continued to watch father and daughter wash off her feet. That's when I felt the drops kiss my knee and continue down to my bare feet. Diaper Leak...GREAT! I did laugh though before heading back inside.

Have No Idea by Meztli on Polyvore.com

Poopy Diaper, Poopy Hands

Note to Self:

When baby boy has eliminated the stinkiest, nastiest, stomach-turning mess...his hands WILL go straight to his genitalia for the first time. This causes you to freak out because now you've got to prevent yourself from gagging while holding down his kicking legs AND keeping his now, poopy hands, out of his mouth, clear of the toxic waste zone, away from the carpet, AND hopefully nowhere near your last set of clean clothes (because as a stay-at-home mommy...it's nice to be clean sometimes).

Potty Training, Potty Hands

Note to Self:

Whilst hugging baby girl -thus keeping her from falling in- who decided she wants to "go" on the big potty (and the lil' potty is packed away somewhere)- baby brother will come around and stick his hands down into the bowl.

Too Many Options!

Most of the small projects are complete (yes, for the 100th time...I realize I have lots of blanks to fill in). The big one looms ahead however. The kitchen.

To put it shortly...we've got to start from scratch. While the house sat empty for a year (after the original owners left), someone got the bright idea to break in and take what they could. The entire kitchen was stripped. I don't mean just the appliances and fixtures...but even the cabinets. Who steals kitchen cabinets? Even the real estate agents said that is rare. Mainly, because of their size and the effort it would take to remove them in the first place.

The culprits did pretty well. They broke two of the units and were kind enough to leave them in the garage for whomever might eventually buy the place. One of the countertop pieces cracked and was no good for them either so that currently lays against the interior garage wall as well. Now mind you, even with the entire kitchen to rebuild...this house was a steal. We did our homework and even the senior agent from the real estate company we used was quite impressed with our find.

So we've mapped out our design. We decided to save a few bucks and go with unfinished cabinets. Staining them on our own will take some time, but at 50% the cost...what else can I say? It was a 3-day ordeal trying to figure out my layout. We wanted to mostly go with the original plan of the house, being that the flooring is decent and we didn't see the need to change it anytime soon. It is cut where the old cabinets were set so we decided to use that as our guide. Determining how to work within that outline was harder than I thought it would be.

We measured out the walls of course to confirm how much space we were working with. Than we had to choose the puzzle pieces - the individual cabinets - for both wall and baseline. I didn't realize how many options we'd have when filling in the blanks. I tried shopping and browsing online for ideas, but this only led to a road of anxiety...TOOOO many options! It gave me a headache. I didn't like any of the virtual kitchen make-over tools either. Not a single one allowed me to actually input my dimensions, so while they were fine for playing with color and style,that was about it.

Finally, we went to Lowe's and decided to just make a list of the cabinet sizes & prices. I wished they had a printout like Menard's does. Menard's has a form that is spreadsheet style with all the information pre-populated. This makes it much easier to select and estimate your cost. With pen and paper...(and OMG!) the two-in-diapers along for the ride, we went up and down the back aisle of the store and made our own list of each cabinet's size & price. It took us nearly an hour...OUCH!

Later that night, I sketched a blueprint of our kitchen. I know I have grid paper somewhere - this would've made it simpler and I could do my drawing to scale - but I wasn't about to go dig for it amongst the mountain of moving boxes, so I just used a plain sheet of paper and did the best I could (at 11 o'clock at night).

I penciled in each wall, then went about choosing the cabinet width. See, that's what I learned through this process. It's funny how we often don't pay attention to simple details we brush with each day until we find ourselves undertaking such a task as this one. I never knew that a single cabinet for instance, could come in 9 inch widths, or 12 inch, or 18 inch, or 30 inch, or 36! I figured I'd just plan for single cabinet here, double over there, 2-door base on that side, and single width base and silverware drawer on this. No! I'd have to plan by width to complete the design...duh!

Then the trick was to utilize every bit of the space available. This too was difficult...correction. Not difficult, but time consuming. With so many options to consider and the need to remember where the stove would sit, where the plumbing for the sink was, etc., etc., I found myself erasing and re-sketching again and again. It was 2am when I was finally satisfied that I had stayed "within the lines" and not wasted any space. I included the price per piece on the drawing and added it up. Wow! We were going to spend less than I thought. Not sure if this is because I'm particularly clever in optimizing the space with a budget in mind, or if I simply got lucky :)

We had already bought our refridgerator & over-the-range microwave, but now I'm struggling with dishwasher and range options. There are sales everywhere and each time I think I've made a choice, something else catches my eye. I nearly reached panic mode yesterday. I should just jump in and make my purchases today. Already, the stress is eating at me. I'm buying things I've never had to buy before and I find it thoroughly aggravating. Who ever knew that too many options could be a such a headache?!

Note to Self

Must remember to close windows during T-storms...check.

Second - when using mail order to obtain merchandise, remember which state you now live in Amber!

So, we've been working on individual themes for each one of the munchkins. Little Patito gets the sea theme that was originally from Neto's first bedroom. Chica has the Disney Fairies (without over-emphasizing Tinkerbell), and Neto will have dinosaurs of course.

When we did Neto's room a few years ago, Kiki had ordered rub-on wall tattoos. They looked very much like paintings on the wall rather than stickers which created a marvelous effect. We ordered the dinosaurs and fish from Tatouage again. Chica's fairies had to come from Amazon.com however. Her stickers arrived last Wednesday, so I expected the boys' art to follow shortly. I began to worry when by Monday, they still weren't here.

Finally, I stole a moment between chores after the mail came and the tattoos still hadn't been delivered. I came across my order confirmation e-mail and was able to get the FedEx tracking number. I studied the itiniary and was confused as to why my purchase was shipped from Florida to Colorado and then to Nevada.

Then...it leaped out from the screen and bit me on the nose. Literally, I almost died from embarassment - though no one could even see me or know what I'd done. Reading the "mail to" section, I saw that the city was listed correctly; the zipcode was fine...BUT, the state designated was California. Yikes! I guess it's going to be harder than I thought to break a 32-year habit. I am a bit surprised I did that. I tend to be a little paranoid about things and usually read through a thousand times to make sure I have everything correct.

Of course...FedEx should have figured that out much sooner than they did. Most companies -even ones that use automated information systems- sort by zipcode first. The zipcode should have alerted them that the package didn't belong in California. Had the computer tied the zipcode to the city, they would've known to override the given state...or at the very least, call the customer to clarify...ya' think?

Luckily, the wall art was delivered yesterday. I had placed a call late Monday and left a message, but I am assuming they figured it out before then since it arrived the next day. They are beautiful! I can't wait to get them up on the walls of the boys' rooms.

Note to self taken. Triple check the address for correct state!

Post Script: I am having trouble posting the links within my blog text for some reason. But here they are if you'd like to see.

Neto's Dinosaurs
http://www.tatouagedesigns.com/product_p/20942p.htm

Patito's Sea
http://www.tatouagedesigns.com/product_p/21690p.htm

Chica's Fairies
http://www.amazon.com/Sandylion-Fairies-Wall-Stickers-glitter/dp/B000OFTUPC/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1249476853&sr=8-9

T-Storms & Lightning

So a major storm moved in today. I was anxious to cross more things off of the "to-do" list, but that's ok. It's been a wonderful morning. Baby Patito woke before his brothers and sisters did so we had some quiet play time, just the two of us -rare, very rare. Then I remembered, I shouldn't let Neto boy sleep in...1st grade begins next Monday and we've been trying to get back to a school day routine. We even spend several hours a day doing practice work.

I sat going through my baby pictures this morning. I love to do this and can't believe I've been here in Indy for just over two weeks and have just barely pulled them out. While rummaging through, I also came across Great-Grandpa's World War II memoirs. I remember trying to read them when I was 12 or so, but had a hard time getting into it. I read through a few pages and have decided I'm ready to finally follow his diary entries. The compilation definately needs to be turned into a book or perhaps a screenplay even...I know Mom has often thought of doing something with it. If she doesn't get the chance, perhaps we will. It is very well written with lots of details.

As the storm progressed, I gave up on the idea of running out to get more paint and the other supplies I needed for completing a handful of projects. We'll see how the weather is later this afternoon. In the meantime, I have no excuse to not catch up on some writing. LOL.

Esteban decided to prepare some enchiladas and also fry the fish he caught this weekend while we were down at the lake. Scrumptious! It was only half way through cooking brunch -and several hours into the storm- that he thought to ask me if I had closed up the windows to our bedroom next door. AGH!!!

I popped up and ran from Mom's house to ours. Got soaking wet, couldn't believe it. I made a joke last week about the amount of rain we get here. I wondered if people from the midwest laugh the first time they experience rain in California. I love it though. Several days of sunshine & then some rain. Keeps it beautifully green here all through out the summer season. In San Jose, everything that's not watered turns brown by mid-May or so.

It could have been worse. I arrived to our master and suite and found mostly the sills puddled with water. Luckily, for the most part it collected there and didn't seep down the wall and onto the carpet. I dried up what I could once both windows were secured shut. I had left them open last night after I finished painting to air the room out. I decided to do this fancy granite-textured paint on the wall which smells worse than just regular paint. I snatched a look at our other neighbor's yard. Easily, it was flooded with about an inch and a half of rain. Poor drainage I'm guessing. Ours was much better though the rear corner nearest hers was collecting water. Not sure if do to the slope of the yard at that point or just because her yard was so saturated and it was pushing into ours. We'll keep an eye on it.

Note to self - always close windows when there are T-storms & lightning!

Do Not Panic

There comes a time during all projects that the pulse begins to race, the breathing becomes labored and the mind just flips out of control. WHY!?

Not that I should be in a panic. It's really only been two weeks. We've come remarkably far in that time period, all things considered. Preparing our 6-year-old Neto boy to enter the first grade next week and corraling our two in diapers...I should feel satisfied at what we have accomplished. Actually, I am.

But now, I've got to figure out our kitchen. I don't even know where to start. We are working with a blank slate - which usually is a good thing. For some reason, my imagination has made a run for it, and though I have wonderful ideas, I've got to strike a balance between what would be most pleasing and affordable at the same time. I've tried all the virtual kitchen designers but spend more time figuring them out then getting anywhere. Oh well. There really is no rush. We have plenty of time. It will come together...eventually.

Flip-Flopping in the Rain

Well, if we can figure out why my laptop won't connect to the wireless, I'd post some pictures already. I've taken tons of course, and of every little thing I could. Photography...my original addiction :)

Yesterday, we were so soposed to have a storm whip up first thing in the morning. It was a no show...or so we thought. We had a "taking it easy" kind of day. Didn't get much done...BUT HEY - we've only been here for a week and quite frankly, there are tons of things we've accomplished by now.

Little Chica's room is going to be so pretty, I'm jealous. LOL. We knocked out the "pepto bismol" pink walls - truly an obnoxious color, even for a little girl. I'm not a big fan of pink, but this color was horendous. It made the hallway glow and burned my eyes...ok now I'm exaggerating, but really...knew we'd be taking care of that just as soon as escrow closed, we drove 2/3's away across the country and could pick out the new paint color.

Pato...his room is nearly completed as well. He is adopting the ocean theme we had for Neto Boy in California from age 1-3. And speaking of Neto, I talked to Kiki about getting started in his room. Poor boy. He's been very patient - as one could be at 6 years old. He's been watching paint be slapped onto his brother's and sister's walls, and keeps asking to make sure his room will be done up too. She got a wonderful volcano going that she is free-forming. He will be getting a "land of the dinosaurs" room. Neto got to do a few strokes on his own & some finger smudging of the paint, so now he is happy.

We ended up leaving for the store to check out some more curtains, dorm chairs, and whatever else we could find at The Christmas Tree Shop (very cool place). It was cloudy out, but not dark and menancing so Net & I were wondering around in our flip-flops. I got Mom to allow my GPS to get us there - to show her how well it works. She's an expert at reading a map, and she'll pull out her map book before checking out directions off of the internet. It got us there needless to say, and Neto Boy felt very important holding the device and confirming that we were on the right path. We did stop by the teeniest post office I've ever seen as well as Neto's new school. I can't believe he'll be starting in 2 weeks already.

Anyway, spent so much time in that store. It was my first time there, so I had to literally walk every single aisle to make sure I didn't miss anything important. Picked out way more than I thought I would. By the time we were checking out, there was a downpour outside. Kiki decided to bring up the car so we could load underneath some shelter from the building's overhang. Good thing. We would have been soaked.

As we stood there, a big crack of thunder made us all jump. There were lighting bolts and everything. Awww...Mother Nature's power. It amazes me. And yes, I will take seriously the saying in Indy- always carry a raincoat or umbrella in your car, lol.

Thank you everyone for your well wishes and encouragement. It is greatly appreciated! I read your messages and am very touched. Have a wonderful day!

Storm is a comin'...or is it?

It was a pretty busy day yesterday. What day isn't? Esteban completed the final cuts on the floor tiles he put down in the master bath, hung our new front door, and completed the kitchen & bathroom plumbing repairs (here's where I really need to start to fill in the blanks -but will try to get one of those drafts completed today).

We also had our refrigerator delivered. It's beautiful and doesn't require a strip of velcro to hold it closed -long story. We got an excellent buy at the HH Gregg tent sale on Sunday. It's a stainless steel, side-by-side model for 30% off the original price. We also nabbed the over-the-range microwave oven. It was also a steal for only $200 -normally it goes for $649.

The whole buying experience was interesting. Mom and Kiki (my baby sis) went with me...along with my 3 kiddos. I'm not sure what was more work. Corraling the kids or making a decision. I've never bought a refrigerator before and the only microwaves I've owned have been the standard, counter-top kind you find at a Target or Walmart for $30. I was hesitant to make a choice. I just wanted to lean on Mom and have her guide me since she had done this a few times.

We figured the bargain price on the refrigerator was too risky to pass up, so I had Mom stand guard while I wandered over to the microwave. Kiki had noticed a nice dishwasher next to it - also stainless - and going for a great price. We mumbled amongst ourselves and giggled as we looked over at Mom who stood with her arms crossed, leaning back onto the steel monster, covering the sale ticket of the device. I don't know if anyone else was interested in checking it out, but they would have had to been pretty bold to ask her to step aside.

Well the dishwasher got snatched up right in front of us. They wheeled it away and that meant we better move quick. People were not browsing...they were actually buying. So I decided to go for it. Kiki and I both nodded over to Mom so she could grab ahold of a salesperson while we blocked the mircrowave. Hmmmm...sounds like a new game: Appliance Wars. We saw a salesman walk over to Mom and before he was in front of her he called out: I'm sorry 'mam, that appliance is already sold.

WHAT??!!! I couldn't believe it, just my luck! All the other friges that had been claimed had sold signs on them so we weren't expecting this. Somewhat dejected but determined to go inside and see what they had to offer on the regular salesfloor, we began to walk away from the table holding the microwave. A gentleman asked if he could assist us. I thanked him and said I didn't think so. I did mention that we were hoping to take the oven to match the frige that apparently wasn't available anymore. I think it was my hopeful way of asking him if he knew any different. He only shrugged his shoulders and moved on.

We made our way back to Mom and found it curious that she was chatting up a storm with the sales associate. I looked at the paper attached to the clipboard and it had my address written on it. Ok, sleep deprivation + three monkeys (two in diapers) + 10 labor intensive projects + major, first time decisions to be made + one salesman with a sense of humor = one confused mommy!!!

Apparently, he had been watching and us and figured we were going to choose that merchandise so he thought he'd be cute about it. I did laugh...took me a minute, but I did.

Anyway, by mid-afternoon, Esteban and I decided to do some more shopping. Had to exchange some of the plumbing materials and we still needed other odds and ends, like new molding for the bathroom, silicon, paint, etc. Just before our final stop, I checked in with Mom who was watching the munchkins. I was soposed to stop for hamburger buns for sloppy joe's. I wanted to make sure everyone was starving already before we stepped into another home improvement store.

"How long would it take Esteban to repair those roof shingles?" she asked. I didn't know, and he wasn't sure. There were about 14 spots on the roof that needed replacement of shingles according to the final inspection before close of escrow. According to the newscast Mom had just watched, a pretty big thunderstorm was expected to arrive early Wednesday morning. It was already 6:40pm, Tuesday evening. Instead of continuing on our errands, I drove us back to the house so Esteban could climb up and take a look. He'd have sunlight for at least another 2 hours.

He finished the job, and there's more I can tell about that. In the end, we wrapped up pretty close to 9pm and headed over to Mom's for dinner. After doing some catch-up work early this morning, I suddenly realized...no storm. In fact, I don't believe it even sprinkled. I'm sure rain is a comin' though. Summer storms are common here in Indy and if the forecast was slightly off...no problem. At least the roof is done.

So much to do!

We arrived to Indy late last week...possibly, Thursday night. My head hurts, so really, I'm not going to fret over the little detail.

We've done so much already, and there is so much more to do. I'm so behind. There is much to do (didn't I write that already?): tons of e-mails I need to respond to; a mailing list I need to organize; complete my drafts (and I'm still not happy with my blog look); upload to my photography page; call for water service and gas service; figure out the rest of my appliance purchases; and HELLO!!!! Get that paperwork filed for the $8000 first-time homebuyer refund. This is not even the half of it, but man, I feel like I'll never catch up.

I need to start a list...a new one that compiles all the "to-do's" from the 20 lists I've written in the last several weeks. You know, I wish I knew how other mom's do it. I can be super, obnoxiously organized when I want to be. I just can't even muster up 1/2 the energy I used to.

To end on a positive note. These items can be checked off: Electric account ordered, refrigerater purchased and to be delivered today along w/ over the range microwave, garage door ordered and coming tomorrow. Carpet in two bathrooms pulled up & replaced with vinyl tiles, two bathrooms painted, one baby boy's room 98% painted, one baby girl's room about 75% complete and it's only been 5 days. Not bad.

Got Change for One Penny?

Esteban and I had so much fun in Reno. Walked out with a 1 cent voucher - the remainder of our gambling money. I was half tempted to go cash it in...just wanted to see the look on the cashier's face, you know.

We followed the gambling with a wonderful buffet-style breakfast before heading over to Circus Circus to play a few of the carnival games. Well, I couldn't resist the urge to jump on the Dance, Dance Revolution machine first. I love that thing. Plus...what better way can you think of to work off that huge breakfast we just indulged in? The best part was when this little 5-year-old girl jumped onto the pads next to me. She didn't even ask her mom to deposit money into the game. She just wanted to dance along and mimick the cartoon character on the screen. She moved so freely and spun around as if it were her grand performance. It was the sweetest thing.

After I was sure I'd worked my heartrate up and broke into a bit of a sweat, we headed over to the horse-racing game. We jumped in on the next round and I ended up winning a prize. Eight of the 10 other players abandoned the table as we went for another stand-off. Won again. Next thing we knew, it was just Esteban against me. Any other couple may have gotten up and left too. We thought it was hilarious. The game host looked at us kinda funny and I threw in: hey, this is the best way to guarantee that one of the kids is getting a souvenir. He thought that was pretty funny and had a hard time not laughing while calling the race over the loud speaker.
I won again! Man...where was this luck while we were sitting at the slot machines?

We played a few more games before finishing off with a few rounds at the basketball shot machine. Round One: Esteban 41, Amber 18. Round Two: Esteban 60, Amber 32. Round Three: Esteban 68, Amber 13...WHAT!?

We finished our exploring by getting lost. Never realized that all the big casinos were interconnected! This is a detail that would have been nice to know of from the start. Couldn't figure out where we were, nor how to make it back to where we had come in. It took a few trips in and out to even notice all the skyways connecting the towering giants. Eventually, we made it back to where we parked and made fun of ourselves the whole way.

It was 2:17 and decided we'd make our way to Utah. It was gonna be a 7-hour drive. It amazed me -though I had made that trip before - to see just how much land there is in the United States with no hint of developement. For hours...we saw nothing but desert sand and rocks. Our trek was elongated due to all the construction on 80. In many parts, we had to tick off 20 miles/hour off the speedometer and hurdle the noise barrier (grooves meant to alert a sleepy or distracted driver from going off the side of the road) between the lanes and the shoulder of the highway. This made getting to Salt Lake City a very long ride.

We made it in at 11:30. The young lady who checked us in offered us dinner tokens and the room automatically came with a complimentary breakfast. We had only stopped for a snack while gassing up the car about 2 hours before the Utah State Line, but decided to head straight for bed. Then, in the insomniac fashion I can't seem to shake since Mom first got sick a few weeks ago (more to come about this), I woke at 4:40ish and couldn't get back to sleep. I even took a nice warm bath to try to relax. It was only several hours later after eating breakfast that I felt sleepy again. I took a much needed nap and now we are trying to figure out what to go see before we make it back onto the road.

We are doing well, and I am very thankful and feeling so blessed at having all of our friends and family rooting us on and check in with us as we make our way east. Life is wonderful...and I miss my Kids!!!

Reno, Nevada

Wow...leaving California was harder than we thought. Have some editting to do on my drafts of our countdown to departure, so I'll post those later. I'm sitting in the motel lobby of an EconoLodge in Reno, Nevada. There's only a 15 minute usage time allowed...I've been on for 20. Oops.

We made it from San Jose to Reno lastnight. Got a much later start than expected because there is always "something"...grrr! There's quite a bit of traffic, so we are headed now to go walk for a bit in downtown before hitting the road again.

Today's haul will be "short"...if 7 hours could be considered short. Aiming to get to Salt Lake, Utah. Next big stop/populated area would be Cheyenne, Wyoming...but that would add another 6 hours to my day. Shortly, we'll start to "lose" time anyway due to time changes. This way, we'll have an early evening to catch up on rest, and get up early tomorrow for a longer haul. Or so I say...nothing has gone as planned, but that's life :)...I just keep holding on and adapting to the flow.

We had a wonderful drive, and it amazes me that we never run out of things to say. I love being with the one and I never get sick of being around. Ok...we're off to the slots. Yes, it's only 8am. Wish us luck, lol.

He Lives

Ollie the Fish survived!

So, I have really, really, needed to clean out his aquarium. I have been avoiding it. I haven't dealt with pet fish since I was 14-ish. I had this terrible anxiety building inside, fear that I would end up killing the poor thing. It's not like he's going with us, but I am a compassionate fool and I don't believe I'd ever forgive myself had something happened.

Luckily, we have been given permission to gift the fishie to Esteban's little godson. He's only 3 1/2 years old, so big brother and sister will be helping him.

The Parade of Good-byes

So last night it began. I've been avoiding it for fear of being too emotional. Very dear friends have asked for quiet time together before we leave. Yesterday I did break down and go spend some time with a friend who wanted to say good-bye privately. She really surprised me and I want her to know, all that was said, touched me to the core. Thank you. I truly appreciate the loving words, praise and encouragement you shared with me my friend. Thank you and all of the family. Tears and laughter, memories I will treasure. It is so hard to part ways physically, but our kindred spirits will always be intertwined.

No Margaritas?

So, because I've spent the last 2 years being pregnant, giving birth and recovering...I've rarely had that "night out on the town" time with friends (shoot, one date with Esteban last November, pretty sad). I am often invited but usually have to turn my gal pals down. This is one of the reasons we are anxious to be closer to family. We just don't have the ability to lend the kiddies to someone else for a couple of hours so that we can do something for ourselves on a regular basis. And no...I'm not forgetting the handful of you that have offered - it's just hard to ask for time, even from really good friends.

Anyway, so while nothing has been set in stone, my buddies have mentioned a farewell gathering during Happy Hour at one of the regular spots. All but one of the get-togethers over the last 24 months, I've been prego and unable to indulge in a cocktail. Not that I'm a big drinker or anything. It’s just nice to have a little bit of a buzz now and again with friends while toasting good news. Earlier this morning. I learned that one of my gals is expecting and so now we'll be teasing her about having to sip on virgin drinks and water.

Not terribly interesting, but I thought it was funny!

It's Ok to Sleep

I've been given permission to sleep. Not that I actually needed permission of course. Just really needed someone to tell me to shut up and do it. Of course Esteban has been trying to convince me to get my rest for weeks now. With so much that has transpired in the last 5 weeks, so much time that got re-organized, it is hard to program my mind and override the panic emanating from within.

Our timeline was thrown out the window. At the beginning of May, Mom arrived to visit me here in California for the last time before we make our big move to the Hoosier state. She fell very ill almost immediately. By the fourth day she was hospitalized. I have never seen her so sick, so weak. It was truly scary and yet I had to put on a brave face for her and for my children. Hooked-up on oxygen machines and IV tubes...she wasn't going anywhere for quite some time. In the beginning, I wasn't really sure she would make it.

Now that she is recuperating and has returned to Indy, my plans have been placed on super fast-forward mode. Suddenly, I only have 9 days to finish packing, cleaning and getting ready to hit the road. There is so much to do...and so much more I will have to cancel from my "to do" list.

This Always Happens

I haven't updated my posts, though I am always drafting and note-taking. This is why this blog is called "Two in Diapers"...between the kiddos and all the activities that revolve around our family, I just have to put my writing on hold quite often. In a month's time, quite a bit has happened. I have so much to catch up on.

In the meantime, I will get my drafts posted asap. We are on our official two week countdown. Our last night in California is just a blink a way. We are extremely excited and ready to begin our new adventure.

From Here to There

...it's one of the scariest things for me to do. Interestingly enough, I've done it before. In 2001, I trekked all the way from California to Indiana with my baby sister Kristi. Was probably one of the funniest experiences we ever shared together. I ended up staying in Fort Wayne for 8 months. But California called me back, and so I returned on the road - all alone.



Mom keeps pointing out how courageous it is for us to pick up and leave - I know that she is right. Still, I can't help but tense up in fear from time to time. I of course wonder about the "normal" things...work? the children's school? But what really has me reeling, is my fear of the people. A friend teased me once after I labeled myself as socially phobic. Called it the emotional disability of the 90's.


Unfortunately, I wish it was just a label. While I am quite good at faking an outgoing personality publically, on the inside I am fighting a battle to not let it consume me. I am terribly shy, even around those that I've known most of my life. My circle or comfort zone is very teeny tiny.

Don't Panic!

It's been about 36 hours since we learned we would soon be home owners. I am trying to keep the upper hand over my emotions, but there is an underlying sense of panic I can't totally ignore. I don't sopose I'll ever be 100% ready to leave the Golden State.



I decided to break the news to my "comadre" today. I really hated doing it by e-mail, but our schedules are so conflicting, I knew it'd be hard to catch her during the "right" moment on the phone. It totally broke my heart to read her response. I know it caught her off guard, and I am deeply touched to know that she will truly miss us. We have been friends for about 17 years now. I baptized her first-born 14 years ago, her second-born adopted me as her unoficial god-mother. We have grown up together and witnessed each other's troubles & triumphs. We rarely see each other these days, but through postings on Facebook & Myspace, we are in touch regularly. Somehow, it still really hurts to know we will be so far away soon.

The First Day...of the rest of my life!

Today, the wheels have been definately pushed into motion. My life has changed forever. At the age of 32, after many road blocks, setbacks, and shattered dreams...finally, I feel that I've gained momentum and am hurling into the future I have longed to create.



We are going to be homeowners! I still can't really believe it. It has been a puzzle that has slowly pieced itself together over the last five months. After some very careful manuevering and maybe a little bit of luck, we ended up with a nice little nest of cash savings. This seemed impossible a couple of years ago, but we did it. I decided it was time to do what I knew was going to be one of the hardest things ever...the time had come to abandom my hometown of 32 years and transplant our family to Indiana.



Born and raised in Santa Clara County (California), I've known that this was probably going to be the route I chose eventually. While our nest egg is a huge accomplishment for us personally, it is no where near being a decent down payment towards property here in Silicon Valley. I refuse to work a 60-hour work week just to buy a home. Mind you, I have worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time during periods of financial emergency. My biggest priorities are to spend as much time with my children as possible and to maintain a healthy life balance. I most certainly don't knock anyone who does by the way.



I have been discreet about our plans. For so many reasons, our departure will be celebrated quietly. My leaving means giving up one of the most important roles I've played in my in my life. It is an emotional struggle, as it is the same role that has been my reason for not leaving sooner. At the same time, while I would imagine most of our peers would be delighted by our news, many of them have just lost homes and/or jobs in this economic crisis (or are fighting to hold on).



I am so excited, terribly anxious, and scared. I am on my way from "Here to There".